She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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