So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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