i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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