We need to rekindle our bromance
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
