I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
