seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
