I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
