I think I just saw someone hide a body.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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