Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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