I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
