yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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