I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My feet surprised me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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