Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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