I just saw a hot homeless man
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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