the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
