There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
