No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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