Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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