She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
