I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
