the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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