yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
