i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
