Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
