woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
