god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
