It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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