can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
