the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
