Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
