Jerry, you need to find god
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
