So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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