hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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