it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
