it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
