Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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