you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need a beard to bite.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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