I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
