is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
