Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
