you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
