New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
