I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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