I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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