Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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