this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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