Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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