I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
