You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
