Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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