that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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