i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
