she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
